Wishes, Wants, and Reality
Parents and children often disagree, but they should not prevent giving and getting help when needed.
All people no matter what their age or situation has wishes and wants and many of them are not based on reality. Heck, I’m in my 70’s and while I wish I was younger and want to keep my youth, know that in reality, I need to just get on with living with what I have. Your parents I’m guessing would be no different.
My Wishes may not be Your Wishes
What you need to realize is that many of their wishes may not be what you think they are or should be. Everyone has deferent wishes but as we age we also recognize that our wishes are often just that “wishes”. But these wishes at times often help keep our spirits up, they are like dreams. We dream of what could have been and what may still be, but most of us are aware that dreams don’t always come true and sometimes that’s for the bests.
What I want may not be what You Want
Aside from the wishes, your parents have that may seem absurd to you, but you need to do your best to see things from their perspective and not yours. For example, let’s just say the decision for your parents to downsize has been made and your parents want to take something with them. You now that this item is just too big for the new place, remember to let them figure that out. Sure they may need your help to figure that out, but don’t just come out and tell them so. Even if they have to move it in and discover they have no room to move, the decision to remove it must be theirs. You may share that fact that you think it may not fit and that if it doesn’t then they will need to be prepared for what they will then need to do.
Another example that comes to mind is when my sister wanted to move from the lovely condo she was living into a very small and old apartment building. I certainly didn’t want her to do this, I couldn’t imagine why, the condo was big, new and very well kept. Bottom line was she wanted to move because didn’t feel comfortable in the spacious condo because she and her husband had always lived in a quaint but small house up until he died. The condo felt empty and made her feel even more lonely.
What either of us wants may not fit with Reality, find out how to deal with this in the book – The Hardest Conversation.