R.A.Koyama

Live Well, Live Happy, Live Long

Tag: aging in place

Dealing with Family treasures

Make sure Family Treasures are more than just STUFF

 

well loved but the need has faded

Dying is the last thing most of want to think of let alone talk about, but there are just somethings that need considering.  Some of those things are what I wrote about in my newest book A guide to dealing with family treasures so your kids won’t have to – Clean your house before you go.

 

No, the book isn’t all doom and gloom about dying and who gets what.  Well, there is a little of that but mostly is it about getting rid of all the baggage and stuff we accumulate over a hopefully long life.  The younger we are, and when I say younger I’m thinking under 70, when we do this the easier it is and will be for everyone.  Just to give you and idea on what need looking after here is a short chapter from the book:

Your beloved, treasured Antiques are now just old stuff

Older isn’t necessarily Better

 

Now on to the wonderful days of garage sales, where you found a once coveted lace table cloth.  If you were once one of those happy individuals, it’s time to give up old habits.  I have on our property a Sea Can full of antiques and garage sale finds that an old friend asked us to keep when she moved out of the country.  What she hoped would be her stash for cash when she needed it has become an albatross around her neck.  She finds there is no longer a market for it.  In addition, where we live out in cow country with nary a neighbor for miles nor a place where garage sales are held, she has little hope for making a killing on it.  As we are now making plans to move to a smaller house closer to the city, she is challenged to find a way of getting rid of it from afar.

 

Another thing for you to remember is that if the desire for antiques is declining, and I know in some places it is not, but in general they are, what will the kids who may not have room for them do?  There comes that guilt again. They will have already gone through whatever guilt comes with losing a loved one, and now those feelings will return.  It is far easier for us to think that someone will want and cherish the family heirlooms.  In some place, they most definitely still do; the question is, will they have a place for it?

Minimalism Is In

 

Look at some of the designer magazines or even some of the house flipping shows.  Most have clean, sleek lines with no oversized bulging china cabinets.  Showcases have been replaced with stylish display shelves that won’t hold a collection of heavy vases or porcelain dolls.  Some looks don’t include dressers, as they opt for closets with built-ins and sliding doors behind which are rods and drawers all neatly placed.

 

Perhaps, it is the time to rethink our way of living.  Minimalism doesn’t mean doing without, and since we do less of what we used to do, regarding entertaining, minimizing just a little shouldn’t be too much of a burden.

 

Home sized matters

 

If you or your family live in a big city, where homes are small and condos are even tinier, space is at a premium.  Most of the furniture we had is now way too big to fit in these places.

For storage, there simply is none.  When you think about what you are saving for the kids, keep these things in mind.  There is a lot more to leave behind than just stuff.  Check out my article on Leavings.

 

 

 

Staying Home in your 70s, 80s, and Beyond – Free Chapter

Defining “Staying Home”

 

Home is where you choose it

Home is where you want to be.

“Staying Home” in the context of this book, means staying in your home. Be it a house, condo, apartment, or mobile home (which was my mother’s chosen home until her 90’s) or whatever place it is that you choose to call “home”.

 

As we get older many people, friends, family consider that we are, or will quickly become infirmed, and be incapable of looking after ourselves and remaining in our home.  This becomes even truer if we have lost our partner and are now alone.

 

I am not saying these people are being mean spirited.  They have love and, concern for our well-being and, us but they see things from their perspective, not ours. They don’t live in our bodies and they don’t have our thoughts or our desires. They do, however, think they know what our limitations are.  Now in some circumstances, they may well know more than we do or we are willing to admit, but if that is the case then this book may not be for you. If your judgment is impaired in any way then I would suggest you read this book in consultation with someone who can explain what needs to be explained about the suggestions and, how they fit or do not fit your circumstance.  You need to be the judge.  If nothing else I hope you will be empowered by what you read to make an informed decision.

So what exactly does “Staying Home” mean to me?

Well when I think of really “Staying Home”, I think of living exactly where I am now.  I think of taking care of myself the way I do now.  I think of sleeping in my own bed, taking a shower when I want, eating when and what I want.  I also think of being aware of what I need to do in the areas of hygiene, eating, and safety. These days I also think of what I need to do to keep my life the ways it is now, and what changes I need to do to ensure I can stay here for a long time.  I don’t think I am alone in having the wish to also die in my home.  I often joke with my children, who sometimes don’t see the humor in it, that, my wish is to go to bed one night and wake up dead.  Their perception is a little different and they think I am wishing to die soon.  Of course,  at is not what I am saying at all, really what I mean is that when the time comes, and I hope that time is a long time in coming, I hope I can just go to bed in my home and of course die in my sleep.  I don’t think that is a death wish or unreasonable request.

The alternatives may not be the best choice

The alternative to “staying home” is to live either in someone’s home, a senior home or nursing home and living by someone else’s rules.  This is precisely what I do not what and I don’t really think many others do either. I also have not desire to live with any of my children and I would hazard a guess that is not what they would want either, not that we do love and care about each and if they had to would accept it.  I am just not yet and hope never to be prepared to accept a reversal of roles.

 

You can get the complete book by clicking HERE

Aging shouldn’t stop you – Take The Step Your future awaits-

 

I am sure many of you have heard the phrase – Take the step the bridge will be there.

It was an inspirational phrase used to help people accomplish things they thought they never could or would.

Well to me that phrase has two purposes, the first was to write about aging, and the seconded was to encourage others to live their lives to the fullest no matter what their age.

So that is why I am encouraging you to TAKE THE STEP no matter how unclear it appears.

 

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No matter where we are on life’s journey, we need to do things that we consider beyond our capability. If we do not continue to push ourselves, we could soon find ourselves being pushed by others.

That is the reason for my first book  about Staying Home written to help us acknowledge what and how we need to prepare ourselves and homes to fit our needs as we age.  For many people, the concept of having to do so is something they do not want to accept.

This is where the phrase becomes helpful.  By taking the step, you are walking across a bridge that will support you as you age.

By not taking the step you are ignoring the future and what it holds.  Make no mistake there is a future, what your future will be is for the most part up to you.

That is why I encourage my readers and my friends to take whatever steps they can to secure the future they want,  not the one others will impose upon them when they refuse to take the step.

So if you haven’t read the book let me give you a few of the key steps the book will help you take.

  • How to stay mobile
  • Managing Your Memory
  • Taking Care of Your Hearing
  • Recognize the importance of Attitude
  • Taking Stock of your Living Environment

These are just a few of the areas covered in the book.

 

One of the things that I want to say and that I often tell friends who didn’t consider the above to be some they need to review;

IF YOU CAN”T BE SAFE – YOU CAN’T BE HOME!

So why do I say that?  Well, the truth of the matter is if anyone in your family, community or health support system feels that you are not are safe living in the manner you do, they will be the first to insist that you need to live in an “assisted living facility” for you own safety.

That is something I and I am sure many of the people I know do not want to have happen.

So READ THE BOOK, it will help you take the step to walking on the bridge of your choosing, not someone else.

Are you wondering about Aging in Place

Aging in Place is the current term for getting old at home.  But, if you were to do a search online you won’t find much that will actually give you any idea how to do that. Sure, there are Doctors, nurses and resource sites all over the web.  The problem is they don’t provide you with any concrete guidelines that will prepare you for aging at home.  That what my newly revised book intends to fix. It is a roadmap, a how to, or what to do if you in fact do want to age at home.
 

I just finished having it edited and while I am putting the finishing touches on it why don’t you take a look at the new cover for AGING SAFELY AT HOME, NOT IN A HOME  and let me know what you think of it.  In the next post, I will share the table comments and you can let me know if you think I have missed something you want to know.

Many people have written about “aging gracefully”, being a senior myself I am more concerned about “aging safely” and that is why it is the title of my new book. If we are safe and allowed to do so at home, then it is much easier to accept age and doing so gracefully.

 

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